Following their game one defeat at the hands of the Phillies, the New York Yankees and their fans are starting to panic.
Showing posts with label New York Yankees. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New York Yankees. Show all posts
Panicking Yankees to Allow Joba to Throw as Many as Five Pitches
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Following their game one defeat at the hands of the Phillies, the New York Yankees and their fans are starting to panic.
To Accomodate Fox TV Schedule, World Series Slated to Start in 2013
Monday, October 26, 2009
In recent years, Major League Baseball has been notorious for scheduling playoffs games to meet the needs of television networks.
Yankees Leaning Toward Jeter Only Batting Order for ALCS
Friday, October 16, 2009
With a big series approaching, the Yankees are turning to their big players for the ALCS against the Angels. Manager Joe Girardi announced today that the Yankees will most likely go with a Jeter only batting order for the duration of the series.
A-Rod Celebrates Yankees World Series Victory Over the Twins
Monday, October 12, 2009
Alex Rodriguez finally stepped up, clubbing two key home runs that lifted the Yankees to an ALDS sweep of the Minnesota Twins.
Antagonistic Yankees Still Finding Ways to Irritate Nation's Baseball Fans, Win Playoff Games
Saturday, October 10, 2009
With yet another improbable playoff win, this time a 4-3 extra innings victory, with a 9th inning homer by Alex Rodriguez and an 11th inning walk off home run by Mark Teixeira, the New York Yankees have proven that they can still win games in a completely irritating fashion.
Yankees Miraculously Clinch Playoff Spot Despite $200 Million Payroll
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Despite a lack of big name talent, and a paltry $200 million payroll, the New York Yankees are back in the playoffs. By virture of their 6-5 victory last night over the Angels, the Yankees have clinched a wild card birth, and will most likely win the AL East.
"This just shows you what a hard working organization can do," said manager Joe Girardi. "My hat goes off to guys like Alex Rodriguez, Johnny Damon, C.C. Sabathia, A.J. Burnett and Mark Teixeira who have payed their dues in our minor league system and are now getting their chance in the big leagues. It's really amazing, with the roster we have, and the low salaries give out, that we can win a baseball game 63% of the time. Remarkable."
In addition to clinching a playoff berth, the Yankees have given American baseball fans further opportunity to hate the Yankees.
"This just shows you what a hard working organization can do," said manager Joe Girardi. "My hat goes off to guys like Alex Rodriguez, Johnny Damon, C.C. Sabathia, A.J. Burnett and Mark Teixeira who have payed their dues in our minor league system and are now getting their chance in the big leagues. It's really amazing, with the roster we have, and the low salaries give out, that we can win a baseball game 63% of the time. Remarkable."
In addition to clinching a playoff berth, the Yankees have given American baseball fans further opportunity to hate the Yankees.
Tigers, Twins in Heated Battle to Get Swept by Yankees in Playoffs
Sunday, September 20, 2009
The Detroit Tigers and the Minnesota Twins are taking the American League Central Division race down to the wire, a race otherwise known as the Battle to Get Swept by the Yankees in the Playoffs. Detroit, by virtue of today's victory, holds a three game lead in the division, but the two teams play four more times before the season is out.
"It will be interesting," said Twins manager Ron Gardenhire. "Both teams want to be the ballclub that gets swept by the Yankees in the playoffs. It's going to be a dogfight."
Despite the three game lead, and the Twins without slugger Justin Morneau for the rest of the season, Detroit is not overlooking them.
"They are a very well managed and disciplined team," said Jim Leyland, manager of the Tigers. "The Twins could still get swept even without Morneau versus the Yankees. But we don't plan on giving them that opportunity. We are going to be the ones to end our season against New York."
Confident words from both sides, as neither will concede anything. Unfortunately, Major League Baseball, Fox and TBS don't care who the Yankees opponent is, as they won't pay them any attention anyway.
"It will be interesting," said Twins manager Ron Gardenhire. "Both teams want to be the ballclub that gets swept by the Yankees in the playoffs. It's going to be a dogfight."
Despite the three game lead, and the Twins without slugger Justin Morneau for the rest of the season, Detroit is not overlooking them.
"They are a very well managed and disciplined team," said Jim Leyland, manager of the Tigers. "The Twins could still get swept even without Morneau versus the Yankees. But we don't plan on giving them that opportunity. We are going to be the ones to end our season against New York."
Confident words from both sides, as neither will concede anything. Unfortunately, Major League Baseball, Fox and TBS don't care who the Yankees opponent is, as they won't pay them any attention anyway.
Peter Gammons Predicting a Yankees - Red Sox Super Bowl
Thursday, September 10, 2009
With the NFL season upon us, it's time for NFL predictions. Some are predicting Super Bowl matchups that include Patriots vs. Giants, Falcons vs. Chargers, Patriots vs. Eagles, or Packers vs. Ravens. But not Peter Gammons. He has stuck with what he knows and has predicted a Yankees vs. Red Sox Super Bowl.
"I don't know much about professional football. Actually, the only professional teams I am aware of in all of sports are the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox," said Gammons. "These are great, historic franchises, so why couldn't they get to the Super Bowl? They have good starting pitching and incredible financial resources, so I'm sure they can get there somehow."
Insiders have told us that Gammons will also be predicting a Yankees-Red Sox NBA Finals with his basketball prognostications.
"I don't know much about professional football. Actually, the only professional teams I am aware of in all of sports are the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox," said Gammons. "These are great, historic franchises, so why couldn't they get to the Super Bowl? They have good starting pitching and incredible financial resources, so I'm sure they can get there somehow."
Insiders have told us that Gammons will also be predicting a Yankees-Red Sox NBA Finals with his basketball prognostications.
Jeter Ties Gehrig, Is Unfortunately Stricken with Derek Jeter's Disease
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Tonight, Derek Jeter has tied Lou Gehrig as the all-time hits leader for the Yankees. But the moment was a somber one for Jeter, as he was quickly diagnosed with Derek Jeter's Disease.
"I really hoped this would be a happier time," said Jeter. "Becoming the all-time hits leader for the Yankees is great. It's just unfortunate that I have to fight this terrible disease. I'm not sure what it is, or what it will do to me, but I'm going to fight it."
We have yet to get a concise explanation as to what Derek Jeter's Disease actually is. But it is believed to be caused by winning several World Series titles while dating an ill-fated string of models and actresses. All while making nearly $20 million a year. But that is merely speculation at this point.
"I really hoped this would be a happier time," said Jeter. "Becoming the all-time hits leader for the Yankees is great. It's just unfortunate that I have to fight this terrible disease. I'm not sure what it is, or what it will do to me, but I'm going to fight it."
We have yet to get a concise explanation as to what Derek Jeter's Disease actually is. But it is believed to be caused by winning several World Series titles while dating an ill-fated string of models and actresses. All while making nearly $20 million a year. But that is merely speculation at this point.
Stretch Run Politely Requests: "NO MORE PITCHERS!"
Monday, August 10, 2009
With so many major league teams aquiring pitchers for the Stretch Run, he was bound to get fed up sooner or later. Well, that day is today.
"ENOUGH!" screamed Stretch Run, "STOP GETTING ME PITCHERS! WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO WITH ALL OF THESE GUYS? THERE'S A REASON THEY WERE LET GO OR TRADED BY OTHER CLUBS. C'MON, CARL PAVANO, CHAD GAUDIN, JOHN SMOLTZ...MARK MULDER? REALLY? THESE REPORTS ARE ALL OVER! AT LEAST GIVE ME A GIFT RECEIPT SO I CAN TAKE THEM BACK!"
*Twins Right to Acquire Carl Pavano (MVN)
*Yankees Trade for Chad Gaudin (Sliding Into Home)
*Several Clubs Interested in John Smoltz (MLB Trade Rumors)
*Yanks Interested in Mark Mulder (River Ave. Blues)
If MLB teams want to get anything for the Stretch Run next year, maybe try a nice bottle of wine, or maybe a gift certificate to his favorite restaurant.
"ENOUGH!" screamed Stretch Run, "STOP GETTING ME PITCHERS! WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO WITH ALL OF THESE GUYS? THERE'S A REASON THEY WERE LET GO OR TRADED BY OTHER CLUBS. C'MON, CARL PAVANO, CHAD GAUDIN, JOHN SMOLTZ...MARK MULDER? REALLY? THESE REPORTS ARE ALL OVER! AT LEAST GIVE ME A GIFT RECEIPT SO I CAN TAKE THEM BACK!"
*Twins Right to Acquire Carl Pavano (MVN)
*Yankees Trade for Chad Gaudin (Sliding Into Home)
*Several Clubs Interested in John Smoltz (MLB Trade Rumors)
*Yanks Interested in Mark Mulder (River Ave. Blues)
If MLB teams want to get anything for the Stretch Run next year, maybe try a nice bottle of wine, or maybe a gift certificate to his favorite restaurant.
C.C. Sabathia Tests Positive for Cheesecake
Sunday, August 9, 2009
More shocking baseball news from the Yankees. It was revealed today by an anonymous source from the New York Post that New York Yankees pitcher C.C. Sabathia has tested positive for cheesecake.
"Technically, it's not banned by Major League Baseball, and I guess it's just a dessert and not drugs," says the source. "But we like to create juicy news from literally nothing. C.C.'s a big dude, and he didn't get that way by eating carrot sticks or leafy green vegetables."
The same source also confirmed that other pitchers including David Wells, Bartolo Colon, and Bobby Jenks have tested positive for performance enhancing desserts.
"Technically, it's not banned by Major League Baseball, and I guess it's just a dessert and not drugs," says the source. "But we like to create juicy news from literally nothing. C.C.'s a big dude, and he didn't get that way by eating carrot sticks or leafy green vegetables."
The same source also confirmed that other pitchers including David Wells, Bartolo Colon, and Bobby Jenks have tested positive for performance enhancing desserts.
Yankees Solve Pitching Depth Problem; Promote JUGS Machine to be 5th Starter
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Pitching depth has been a concern for the Yankees as of late. Joba Chamberlain is being subjected to an innings limit, and Sergio Mitre has struggled. The Yankees just signed Russ Ortiz, but there is a reason he was not currently on a major league roster. So today, the Yankees permanently solved their problem, promoting one of their JUGS machines to be the 5th starter.
"I don't know why we didn't think of this sooner," said a source within the Yankees front office. "A machine is more durable, and can go deeper into the games. This will save a lot of wear and tear on our bullpen. Naming a JUGS machine as the team's 5th starter is a bit unconventional, but was a better option than converting Derek Jeter to spot starter."
"I don't know why we didn't think of this sooner," said a source within the Yankees front office. "A machine is more durable, and can go deeper into the games. This will save a lot of wear and tear on our bullpen. Naming a JUGS machine as the team's 5th starter is a bit unconventional, but was a better option than converting Derek Jeter to spot starter."
Tim McCarver on Peavy Trade: "Jake Peavy, When Healthy, is a Pitcher That Can Pitch for the White Sox"
Friday, July 31, 2009
You can always count on Tim McCarver to add some insight. Here is a little more (fake) analysis from Tim on MLB's trade deadline stories.
*Roy Halladay not being traded: "Halladay wasn't traded, so he can still pitch for the Blue Jays."
*Jarrod Washburn to the Tigers: "Washburn is a left-handed pitcher, and he will still be left-handed when he gets to Detroit."
*Nick Johnson to the Marlins: "It's hot in Florida, and the Marlins play in Florida. Nick will have to get used to playing for the Marlins when it is hot in Florida."
*Jerry Hairston, Jr. to the Yankees: "Jerry Hairston, Jr. has the same name as his father."
*Victor Martinez to the Red Sox: "Martinez is no longer a Cleveland Indian. He plays for the Red Sox now.
*Roy Halladay not being traded: "Halladay wasn't traded, so he can still pitch for the Blue Jays."
*Jarrod Washburn to the Tigers: "Washburn is a left-handed pitcher, and he will still be left-handed when he gets to Detroit."
*Nick Johnson to the Marlins: "It's hot in Florida, and the Marlins play in Florida. Nick will have to get used to playing for the Marlins when it is hot in Florida."
*Jerry Hairston, Jr. to the Yankees: "Jerry Hairston, Jr. has the same name as his father."
*Victor Martinez to the Red Sox: "Martinez is no longer a Cleveland Indian. He plays for the Red Sox now.
MLB Trade Deadline Buyers Spotted at Wal-Mart Trying to Find a Bargain
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
These tough economic times have made their way into professional sports. Several Major League Baseball GMs for "buying" franchises have been spotted at Wal-Mart, trying to find a good deal.
Ruben Amaro, Jr., the Phillies general manager, says that this trend is going to continue. "I mean teams are trying to save money. Just look at the Yankees. They can't even sell their cheap home plate seats for a paltry $1250. Take us for example. We can trade half of our minor league players for Roy Halladay, OR, we can go to Wal-Mart and pick up a couple of bargains. Like a pitcher with a torn rotator cuff for only $8.99, or maybe a shortstop with a pronounced limp for 5 bucks."
Some other popular Wal-Mart bargains include steroid free players (2 for $25) and anything and everything from the Pittsburgh Pirates.
Pirates Continue Trading Frenzy; Ship Stargell's Career and '91 NL East Title to Yankees
Ruben Amaro, Jr., the Phillies general manager, says that this trend is going to continue. "I mean teams are trying to save money. Just look at the Yankees. They can't even sell their cheap home plate seats for a paltry $1250. Take us for example. We can trade half of our minor league players for Roy Halladay, OR, we can go to Wal-Mart and pick up a couple of bargains. Like a pitcher with a torn rotator cuff for only $8.99, or maybe a shortstop with a pronounced limp for 5 bucks."
Some other popular Wal-Mart bargains include steroid free players (2 for $25) and anything and everything from the Pittsburgh Pirates.
Pirates Continue Trading Frenzy; Ship Stargell's Career and '91 NL East Title to Yankees
STUDY: Professional Baseball Exists Outside of Boston, New York
Sunday, June 28, 2009
A ten year study performed by the North American Institute of Professional Sports Franchise Research (NAIPSFR) was released today, confirming the exsistence of professional baseball teams outside of Boston and New York. Lead NAIPSFR researcher Ian Schlecker was very excited with the findings. "It's great for other areas of North America to be able to root for an area professional baseball team. Watching the Yankees and Red Sox 162 times a year was becoming a little boring." Highlights of the report include the following:
- 28 Major League Baseball teams exist in addition to the Yankees and Red Sox
- Minor League Baseball consists of hundreds of teams in several leagues throughout North America
- ESPN has the ability to report non-New York and non-Boston baseball topics
- Top players such as Albert Pujols and Joe Mauer don't even play in New York or Boston
The NAIPSFR is exploring future research studies including:
- Pro golfers besides Tiger?
- Did the Cavaliers think it was 2003 when they traded for Shaq?
- Should a stadium beer really cost $8?
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