Redskins Strip Zorn of Play-calling Duties in Preparation for Stripping Him of Head Coaching Duties

The Washington Redskins announced that head coach Jim Zorn has been stripped of his play-calling duties, and will be replaced by Sherm Lewis. The team says the move is just preparatory, and will ultimately lead to Zorn being stripped of his head coaching duties.

Read more »

Jim Zorn Believed to Be First Coach to Get Lions a Win Since Wayne Fontes

The Detroit Lions actually won a football game yesterday, a 19-14 decision over the Washington Redskins. Redskins coach, Jim Zorn, is taking some heat in Washington over this game. However, researchers say Zorn should be praised for this historic event, as he is believed to be the first coach to get the Detroit Lions a win since Wayne Fontes.

"It's great that I could be a part of this historic game," said Jim Zorn. "I guess I would have preferred if my team won, but getting credit for a monumental win for another organization is pretty good too. Hopefully I can become a position coach or a coordinator for the Lions when I get fired by the Redskins."

Redskins Ticket Office Woes

The Jersey of the Team Owner
Originally uploaded by Forge93

Shame on the Washington Redskins ticket office. First, they sell tickets to brokers, even with a long waiting list of fans that would buy tickets. Then, it is revealed that they sued season ticket holders who defaulted on their season ticket agreement. They even forced one woman into bankruptcy. Now they are suing New York Giants fans for buying tickets to Giants games.

"We want people to pay money for Washington Redskins tickets, not New York Giants tickets," said a source from within the organization. "If we can't get enough cash from Giants fans, we'll move on to the Jets, then the Eagles, then right on down the Atlantic coast. We will harass every NFL fan base until we get our money."

Despite being told that no legal right existed for them to do this, the Redskins are undeterred.

"Dan Snyder didn't become a kajillionairre by giving stuff away. We're going to take what's rightfully ours. We're going to take what's not rightfully ours. And we're going to take what we want to be ours. If it's a bad PR move, so be it."

Albert Haynesworth Apologizes for Playing Football Near Tom Brady

Albert Haynesworth
Originally uploaded by snidro

Following his hit on Tom Brady during last night's Patriots-Redskins game, Albert Haynesworth is doing some damage control. Some are accusing him of trying to hurt Brady, but Albert says no way, it was just football. Today, he is apologizing for playing football near someone as delicate as Tom Brady.

"I shouldn't have tackled him like that," said Haynesworth. "He is a quarterback after all, and there are rules against hitting those guys unnecessarily. I can promise that it won't happen again. I will only tackle running backs, tight ends and wide receivers."

The NFL is looking into the matter, and will surely invoke some sort of two hand touch rule for quarterbacks. Especially elite quarterbacks that can make the league lots of money.