Raiders Extend Criticizer Ban; Will Play in Empty Stadium, Without Coaches, Players

Over the weekend, the Oakland Raiders made it very clear that they would like to ban former QB Rich Gannon, who is now a CBS analyst, from team facilities. Gannon made some comments that the Raiders organization found offensive. Today, the Raiders extended their ban of criticizers, and have banned anyone who has said anything negative about the team.

"It's just a move that we had to make," said a team spokesman. "We can't have people saying negative things about the Oakland Raiders organization. It's not good for our image."

This widespread ban will force the team to play in empty stadiums, without players, coaches and television coverage, a move that the Raiders front office fully supports, as they have no apparent idea about how to run a football team.

Fan Drinks Oakland Raiders Kool-Aid, Becomes Violently ill

Tom drank the Kool-Aid
Originally uploaded by ssavoy

Tom Hermanson, a 24 year old Oakland Raiders fan from Middle Bluffs, California thinks that this year is Oakland's year. As a result, he began drinking the Raiders Kool-Aid yesterday afternoon, only to become violently ill a short time later.

"I really think we can do it," said Hermanson in between dry heaves. "McFadden's about to break out and Seymour will really improve our defense. Plus, the AFC West is a weak division so I think we really have a chance. BBLLAAAAAAAA!!!!"

Doctors believe Hermanson became ill because of a rare fungus that had been growing in the Raiders Kool-Aid for several years. Hermanson said he found the Kool-Aid in a rusted bucket beneath McAfee Stadium.