Baseball Players Using Steroids Again Just to Get Noticed

Steroids or multi-vitamins?
Originally uploaded by limowreck666

With the start of the NFL season, little attention has been paid to Major League Baseball in the last couple of weeks. To combat that, MLB players have begun using steroids once again, just to get noticed.

"I don't like it, but we need to promote our league in any way," said a spokesman for the commissioner's office. "But steroids got us into a huge mess, and people never seem to let it go. I mean, they keep brining up 2003 for crying out loud. With the NFL and even college football taking over, we had to do something."

The players feel the same way.

"It's not good that we have to do this to get noticed, but if we have to, we have to," said a players union rep. "Attention is good, and it will bring fans to the games, and viewers to the TV. Plus, we can always defend it by saying we were taking B-12 shots, we didn't really know what it was, or that our cousin from the Dominican Republic recommended it."

Big Papi's Performance Enhanced Links

David Ortiz - Originally uploaded by R.L. Cooley

So Big Papi and Manny Ramirez testing positive for performance enhancing drugs in 2003. (I know, I know. I was shocked too.) Since stuff that happened 6 years ago should DOMINATE the news, here you go:

*David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, Blood-Soaked Sock On 2003 Steroid List (Deadspin)

*Ortiz, Sponsors On ‘03 Positive Test: “Hmmrphm” (SPORTS by BROOKS)

*Big Papi On PED Users – A Look Back (Was Watching)

*Breaking News: A Man Nicknamed "Big Papi" Does Drugs (You Are Hated)

*David Ortiz Injected His Ass With Something Other Than Chili Cheese Dogs (Busted Coverage)

*L O Frickin' L (High and Tight)

*David Ortiz Steroid Endorsement Deal (Sports Tsar)

Red Sox Nation Trying to Retroactively Legalize Steroids in 2003

That sound you hear is Yankee fans laughing across America. That other sound you hear is the Sports Guy continually banging his head into a wall.

David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez

Originally uploaded by Anthony G.

Steroids Wish They Were Used by Albert Pujols

Several high profile MLB players have been linked to steroids. Albert Pujols has not. It angers him that due to his success, people accuse him of using PEDs. In a recent article, Albert spoke out against it: Rounding Third: Cardinals slugger Albert Pujols is batting cleanup for baseball.

But this story does not appear to have an end in sight. Steroids are out to get Albert Pujols.

"I look for Albert every time the Cardinals come to town," said Steroids, whose recent widespread use in baseball has allowed him to purchase homes in San Francisco, Chicago, New York, as well as several vacation homes in the Caribbean and South America. "I'm gonna get Albert. I don't care if he's in the team hotel, the clubhouse before the game, or out to dinner after. I'm switching into what I like to call 'Groupie Mode'."

Several past major leaguers, such as Rafael Palmeiro, have warned Pujols to look out for Steroids when in "Groupie Mode", as Steroids have been known to spike countless protein shakes and B-12 shots in the past.