Vikings Cause Penicillin Shortage Due to Team Wide Schism Outbreak

Friday, August 28, 2009

Jared Allen
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Yesterday's reports indicated that the Favre situation was causing a schism in the Vikings locker room. Apparently a schism is also a disease, which caused a penicillin shortage in the Twin Cities.

"This isn't good," said a health center worker. "I've never seen a schism outbreak this bad. I've read about it occurring during the Civil War days, but I've never seen it. We just weren't anticipating this in 2009."

If this schism outbreak isn't contained, experts say that it will rival the swine flu, the bird flu, the west nile virus and SARS all wrapped into one.


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