Friday, July 17, 2009
As a result of Tiger Woods missing the cut at the British Open, the 3rd and 4th rounds have been cancelled.
"Why wouldn't we cancel it? Oh, you think people are going to tune in to watch a 59 year old guy (Tom Watson) battle it out with some bloke named Steve Marino? I don't think so," said tournament spokesperson Angus McGuinness, making reference to the current tournament leaders. "Golf if bloody boring. We can't fool people into the 'excitement' of golf without Mr. Woods. Let's go get drunk."
Obviously Tiger Woods is disappointed, but he won't get down on himself too much. "I was playing well coming into this tournament, but didn't play certain holes well," said Tiger, who missed the cut by a single stroke. "Things just didn't work out. At least I can spend my extra days off with my smoking hot model wife. And by counting the bazillion katrillion dollars I've earned so far this year. Did I mention my hot wife?"